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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

PART 2

The man with the funky glasses suddenly stands up and says "Funky vibe? what funky vibe all I can see that's funky is this little alien sitting infront of me."

Elmo shuffles his feet, then replies, "Does Mr Wonder believe in superstition? Because Elmo sees a black cat heading your way, to kick your royal behind." <-- Keepin' it PG, aww yeah LOL

oh sugar momma... i dont jam with cats! but ill jam with you anytime my funky little alien.

Elmo was now alone, or that's what he thought. Elmo felt like this street was somehow connected to him, he saw a light nearby next to a...nest?

Elmo felt a connection to this place like no other. Blocking the way however was this great ugly mammoth.

No, can it be, my snookums elmo, its me: mummy snuffleupagus!" Just then a huge yellow and hairy figure arose from the nest, it looked like an angel with an afro.

the angelic like creature flew right into elmo and said "whoops how clumsy of me."

"Why is mummy snuffleupagus and daddy big bird here with elmo?"

"We didn't know the way back here so we followed you. Can you tell me how to get how to get to sesame street?"

Suddenly a huge rattling noise came from behind them, a huge green monster emerged from the bins! He was angry, he was mad, but most of all, he was grumpy...and looked nothing like Eric Bana.


Who is this strange new fellow? Is this the last we see of elmo? Is this monster from china too? STAY TUNED :D

(Guess why people call him BIG bird?)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

GENIUS

Three days without blogging are three days wasted. So ill use today to blog :D So yesterday Joseph Brendon and I went to Livo library to help me study (hate that trig). Then! while we were skulking (i got that word from harry potter!) around westfields A GENIUS IDEA AROSE. AND THEREFORE THIS BLOG ENTRY IS CALLED GENIUS :D

HAVE YOU EVER DRANK OUT OF A BOTTLE WITH A STRAW THEN TAKE YOUR ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE BOTTLE AND AS A RESULT THE STRAW IS STUCK IN THE BOTTLE AND YOU CANT TAKE THE STRAW BACK OUT BECAUSE YOUR FINGERS ARE TOO BIG TO FIT INTO THE TINY HOLE?

Solution:



That is GENIUS





Anyone up for some LOVIN? :D




For UN haters.





FOR SIMON WANG! He'll tell you why this is genius :D





This... I dunno :p its Genius? :D



The biggest genius of all... I just forgot his name :D

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Elmo - A permanent child

Not much is known about him, but here is the life and story of our friend in the magic box with people; Elmo.

He came from a foreign planet...named China. His parents... were yellow and hairy... he didn't know why he turned out the way he did. Elmo was just a newborn baby when his parents accidentally dropped a stone on his head, affecting his voice and personality. The poor child was frowned upon by every other Chinese kid and couldn't realise why everyone laughed at his name "Elmo". Elmo disliked living in china, he seemed to think it was far too crammed from the "shitload of people", and he was sick of eating rice 24/7. His parents were cruel people...

When Elmo told his parents that he didn't like it in china, his parents immediately sent him onto a plane to a white boys world. There he was greeted by a man who called himself, "the real slim shady". Well "the real slim shady" didn't really like asians. He asked the furry creature if he could rap. Elmo opened his mouth and said, "I" - before he was cut off by slim shady who exclaimed, "First rule in rapping, ALWAYS address yourself in third person."Elmo obviously being an uneducated little monster didn't know what third person was. So he said,
"Elmo doesn't know what you mean.
Elmo wish he was unseen"
Slim shady applauded, "Now, you need a street name, something that'll completely confuse people." Then elmo asked if he could keep his name. I mean elmo is really a creative name. But the slim shady didn't like it. "ELMO IS A NAME FOR FOOLS. DO YOU WANNA BE A FOOL ELMO?" Elmo became infuriated, he wasn't raised in China without learning martial arts. Within seconds slim shady looked like a pile of M&M's. Elmo was still depressed, his life going downhill. Then he met this guy named Stevie Wonder. Elmo greeted Stevie Wonder,
"Hi, elmo is his name, from the hoods of China."
"Oh you're from China? That explains the broken English."
"Elmo doesn't like people who teases him about his english. Elmo doesn't like this funky vibe hes getting around this man."

Will Elmo find his place in the big city, will he become a rapper, will he ever learn to talk English like a proper muppe- oh shit you're not meant to know that part yet.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tennis People

Ok first off... this has nothing to do with tennis... GOSUGAMERS WHY DIDN'T YOU VOTE PUSHER FIRST FOR ASSIST, his gaming style so unique and it makes me cry to see that such talent doesn't get him an at least top 4 ranking. http://www.gosugamers.net/dota/features/2619 for more info.

OK TENNIS... Heres what i think about everyone.

Lleyton Hewitt.
He's so passionate about the sport man. He trains like a G6 and he still hasn't won an Australian Open. I blame Bec to be honest... good looking girl probably distracts him too much. Yeah i used to think his c'mon thing was cool. It still is but its not like the cool thing to say anymore. so sad so sad :'(. His peak years were obvious his early 20's where he smacked people like Nadal and Federer. In terms of his play... he doesn't really have his killer moves. I mean with players like Nadal or Vedasco they have that forehand that reaches speeds of over 9000km/h. JMac likes his backhand. "Beastly" he calls it.

Caroline Wozniacki
In Asian cultures, the wife being 4 years older usually means good fortune. I'm 16 right? and shes 20. 16+4= MUAHAHHA SHES IN MY RANGE but shes polish... so i'll keep looking. Anyway I've always said woman's tennis is really inconsistent. Like a once rank 200 could jump to top ten in a year.

Andy Roddick? Sexy dude with the monster serve
I hear he's fast ;D Married to a model... Lucky guy

Federer... That dude probably best of all time. He's so friggin old man. 1 handed backhand is sexy :D. I mean i hear people say Federer sucks now but he ONLY dropped 1 rank PEOPLE. I'm sorta not used to seeing Federer (2) yet.

Maria Sharapova has the weirdest yelp ever. I mean shes model potential for sure. Im not even sure how she packs that much muscle in her. She's probably the one who made me be scared of skinny women :P

Monday, January 17, 2011

Genius Guide for Getting Guys

Well here at Chocolate Thunder we like to not blog about our lives because to be honest... our lives suck. So what we do is post random entries about important features of life. I mean we could talk about how Australia sucks at everything now or rant about Ryan Reynolds winning sexiest man alive for 2010... BUT NO! DUE TO POPULAR REQUEST WE HAVE CREATED THE GENIUS GUIDE FOR GETTING GUYS! Hope you like it :D

Girls do not need to seek a target, as usually they only seek out after guys they are physically attracted, so finding one is rare...unless Wilson is in the room.

Guys look for cute. This is probably the most important fact for a girl to know. If the guy had a choice between a girl in a pikachu suit or a girl in a muk suit... THEY WOULD GO WITH THE PIKACHU SUIT! But as Mr Dillon says natural talent will only get so far which is totally correct in my eyes. Having a cute face will only get you so far in this field. It is often mistaken that a genius is born, not made. Such said, does NOT apply in physical appearance!

Lets face it ladies... the chance of the guy liking you back is slim. With this... the guy can not stop thinking about you day and night

In this blog, we like to keep things as simplistic and logical as possible so therefore we have created formulas with the assistance of mathematics to guide our dear readers.

The guy's level of cuteness/hotness can be labelled as x

Your level of cuteness has to be x^2 in order to grab his attention at first sight
Note: These relationships are usually the most unstable and dysfunctional. It's rare for one of these to last for over 1 night.

If your level of cuteness is x, talk to the guy and you'll most likely hit it off
Note: This is generally true but you should always have a backup plan! Besides you may think you fit here but you might fit actually at the x^1/2 level so it is always worth it to read ahead.

If your level of cuteness is x^1/2, then you're going to need all the help you can get
This is where we will be focusing our analysis today. If you land here, looks is not your forte, were gonna boost your PERSONALITY! If you can pull it off, your looks should not matter at the end of the day.
-First off
Observe your man you are eying. Is he a geek who's never had a GF before? because, CHANCES ARE he will JUMP at the thought of having a GF.
If he regularly participates in DotA and does NOT regularly talk to girls he is what we call, an easy catch.
-Then
If the guy is a tough customer you may have to resort to cruder methods. Playing hard to get seems to be the most successful way to interest a guy Playing hard to get WORKS! Every heterosexual guy is turned on by lesbians. Why? Because we can't get them simple as that.
Note: For all guys reading this... PLEASE DO NOT THINK THIS GUIDE WORKS IN REVERSE. I MEAN... YOU'LL PROBABLY GET BITCH SLAPPED.
-Finally
If the guy is pulling moves on you already then you know he's into you and the rest should be a smooth ride.
Note: If this step doesn't occur you know that somewhere you made a crucial error BUT HAVE NO FEAR. Guys have memories like goldfish. If you fail today, you can try again tomorrow. :D

If your level of cuteness is x^1/3, aim lower
Note: Do not feel too disheartened... your life probably lies somewhere more worthwhile than here like at Troung or... at some Greenday concert.

This concludes our entry. It's not as in depth as we thought it would be but its almost 1 am and everyone loves to sleep :D

P.S Hands off Alvin Yap

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Genius Guide for Getting Girls

I know all our fans want to know what really happened at Santosh's house... BUT IM NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT BECAUSE ANOTHER ISSUE CAME UP! For some reason Wilson wanted a guide for picking up girls which will surprise many but he's a GUY he has happy thoughts too :D. Since we're friends of Wilson, Jmac and I decided we will make one!
Through careful research and hardcore planning Jmac and myself realised that our plan is FOOLPROOF! Although, Wilson's ability of being cute in general is pretty much, unbeatable, so if you're competing against Wilson, give up...now.

1. Spot your target -This essentially means you have to find your ideal target.
-Ideal target is a woman who's young, insecure and mildly pretty
Note: Personally, when i read that i think of COD. Not bad game... just saying :D
2. Be wary of your environment
- If in the bar, your selected target will probably have already seen everything you do!
Note: Every fail attempt at a hook up will be seen by all girls in the vicinity which means the chances of you getting a girl decreases by ten percent each time you don't get a girl.
- If you are in a shop then you can go out of your way to please her
Note: Don't have anything shiny on you or she may get distracted
- If in a busy street... just give up.
3. Initiate in conversation. (please follow these guidelines, they help... a lot :D)
- Start up with something cheesy, but not overused.
- For every time that girl has been dumped and heartbroken, their insecurity increases, and self confidence is damaged AND THAT'S THE MONEY TICKET! It is ABSOLUTELY crucial that you get the girl's past love life within the first 5 minutes of conversation.
Notes: This shows the girl that you care :D
If for some reason the girl is taken this is where you find an excuse to move away.
- PLEASE, I MEAN PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS OTHERWISE THE WOMAN WILL LEAVE FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY SUPRISE BUTT SEX.
- Weather
- The room
- That girl across the room and what she's doing

Once you have engaged in petty talk, or if you're lucky made her laugh
KEEP her laughing. Chicks dig a guy that can make them smile. Do this by perhaps poking fun of something in the room, or something incredibly stupid that someone is doing nearby.
Note: LAUGHTER IS YOUR TICKET! ITS YOUR FREAKING TICKET TO GETTING LAID
This is where the path really deviates... me and Jmac dont really agree here so therefore there is a split
4a. Cut the convo short, say you have to go somewhere urgent, and drop your number, if you're lucky she'll ring later tonight =D
b. If you do everything perfectly there should be no need for you to ask for the number! Seriously people, if she's interested then she will give you her number first.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: FIRST IMPRESSIONS LAST!
If you start strong, END strong. That way she'll have positive memories of you.
DON'T start strong then end weak beause she'll only remember the weak part.

HOW TO KNOW IF SHE'S NOT INTO YOU
1. Instant rejection - Something along the lines of "Sorry, I'm not interested."
2. Eye contact - If she's looking away she's not interested
3. Fidgety - She is not interested or is horny... Unsure about that one :p
4. Eating hair - Girl is bored.

If you want to go out with someone you probably see or have contact with on a regular basis, then it's easy, move into the friend zone, then work your way up.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Pick up lines :D

HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE LADIES?
ARE THEY REJECTING YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LAME MOVES?
Use these :D 99.99 pct chance of picking up a girl :D
(we take no responsibility if anyone falls inbetween the 0.01 pct of people who fail)

-My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

-I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd sure like to take you back to my domain.

-Nice as...ymptote

-i'll take you to the limit as x approaches infinity

-I don’t like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a substitution?

-i'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl

-I do believe I am your reciprocal; we will be one when we multiply.

-Hey I was wondering if you could help me out a sec… there’s one thing missing from this equation: Me + ? = A night of untold pleasure

- my love for you is like a fractal - it goes on forever

-I would really like to bisect your angle.

-I can figure out the square root of any number in less than 10 seconds. What? You don’t believe me? Well, then, let’s try it with your phone number.

-Our love is like dividing by zero.... you cannot define it

-Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?

-You must be an asymptote, because I just find myself getting closer and closer to you.

-At absolute zero, you would still move me.

-I’m good at math: add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!

-I'll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!

-At absolute zero, you would still move me.

-Lets make love like pi; irrational and never ending

HALF A YEAR !

So ladies and gentlemen, we're back with a new look. Its been 6 months already and because of that we gotta recap what Jmac and I have been through!

-We both finished IPT, scored band 5, and realised it was the crappest HSC subject evar.
advice to any little kids out there who wants to do IPT... just don't do it!

-Wilson's house with a wii and a sister. Enough said :D

-We realised the school certificate was piss easy LOL

-Milsons point is a hole. (Lovely people just needs a tune up)

-Queensland got flooded, for what feels like millionth time LOL

-Australia lost in... (too many to list)
Australia - the sporting nation :)

-We discovered the player database of gunbound is...crap

- Me: FALLOUTBOY AND PANIC AT THE DISCO LOST MEMBERS ;(
Jmac: falloutboy is dead face it bro
me: NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ROCK ON FOB :(

- Justin Bieber is PRINCE of pop? My apologies i meant princess. Justin bieber stole our hearts then I stole his manhood LOL. More hate from the Jmac :D

-RIP BOBBY FARREL

This new look blog took me and jmac about 2.5 hours hope you like it :p